I need help…

Holy shit the pain I’m feeling because of my teeth right now is excruciating. I’ve entered a ton of contests yet again and nothing. I am dying in this pain. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. No matter how much medicine I take, it doesn’t stop. Ibuprofen used to help but now it doesn’t. Tylenol 3 isn’t even touching it. The pain is shooting to my head and it hurts so bad.

I just want to win a contest or find a bad ass dentist that will accept payments. I’m not looking for a handout, but a hand up. I just need one person to care enough to help. The free clinics here can’t help because my teeth are to bad. The ones that are low cost still aren’t low enough. Texas doesn’t take or participate in dental grants. I’ve tried a million times.

Sadly I know that as much as I want all of these rotten teeth ripped out of my mouth and some other option put in there place, it won’t happen except by some miracle. But damn do I need a miracle. My teeth will be the death of me and it’s sad as hell. The tears keep falling and the pain never stops.

For fucks sake it just needs to end…



I had hope. A slight glimmer of light that this would be my year. That I would be one of the lucky ones chosen. As I read the rules I thought I read far enough, come to find out I didn’t and I live to far away. I had so many people vote for me they had to call and see where I live. **Note to self: Don’t get to excited before reading all of the eligibility rules, there’s always more to it. 

The 😬 I hoped to win this year and have completed by next is a bust. I guess I shouldn’t give up, but I’ve currently ran out of trying. It hurts so much. All I want is to smile again. A big cheesy beautiful smile people could see from a mile away. One where I can laugh freely, talk freely, smile freely and one that consists of being pain free. One where I would love myself again, the tears would stop, the overflow of abundance would fill my life. People dream of fancy cars, houses and toys and all I want is a new smile. I’ve entered more contests than I can even keep up with in a single year and every year, I’m not the lucky one. I assume it’s a game of chance, I assume it’s not needing to much work done and I assume it just has to be my time. 

I don’t want to be sad, but I’d lying if I said I wasn’t. Disappointed, frustrated, heart broken, and depressed. One day, I’ll smile again. 

Maybe one day… but for now I’m just going to ride out the rest of the year. 

If you live in North or South Carolina and need your teeth fixed, Bozart Family Dentistry is running a holiday smile makeover contest. You should go enter or enter someone you know who truly deserves to smile again. Here’s the link: 



It’s been forever since I wrote…sorry about that. I started college again in May. I picked a new degree plan and half way through, I realized it wasn’t something I was in love with. I switched back to my BA in creative writing/English with a concentration in Fiction. So in two years I’ll have this degree. It seems so far away, but it will be worth it. I have my associates as well. It’s nice to see the things I have been working on for far to many years to count fall into place. 

So I was accepted into the honor society for my school. Does anyone know if it’s worth it college wise? The perks seem great: scholarship opportunities, networking, discounts,etc. I have about a week left to make my decision. 

I’ve been trying to get out of the frump I tend to find myself in which involves; depression, sadness, a numb feeling and sometimes it’s really hard to shake. I believe I’m doing okay so far, guess we will see what happens. Making new goals and fighting like hell to achieve them. We’re halfway through the year, so I gotta get moving. 

So tell me is honor society in college worth it? What are some goals you set for yourself this year? Have you crushed any or or all of them? Have you read any good books? Took an amazing trip? I’m sure you all have some kind of news to share with me. 


Growing up

It’s crazy to think how fast this school year has flown by. My kids have changed so much from the start to the end of it. They have all grown so much and I am so very proud of them. 

My youngest graduated kindergarten yesterday which was bitter sweet. I cried like crazy. She’s come so far and I can’t wait to watch her grow and excel. She received the best smile and class entertainer award. Her teacher helped her pick out what she wanted to be when she grew up and she chose a children’s book illustrator. When I asked her again tonight she said I really want to be a singer. That’s the girl I know. Proud of you baby girl. 

My 10!year old daughter will be moving on to 5th grade. This has been a hard year for her with a boy harassing her and teachers/kids telling her she couldn’t do something. She proved every damn one of them wrong. She hit her goals and went well beyond them. She earned A honor roll, AR gold award, AR class award, UIL award, best attitude in music and hit over the 100 point club as well as her shirt for all of her reading accomplishments. She’s already planning for next year. Proud of you princess. Keep reaching for the moon and no one will stop you. 

My boys will be going to 7th grade and the other will be a junior. My 7th grader was selected for NJHS and was shy one grade of A honor roll. He will be playing middle school sports this year which is amazing. I’m super proud of him and all of his accomplishments this year. Can’t wait to see what the new year has to offer. My oldest is doing great. His grades looked good. He did have to take two finals though which is okay. He will play a ton of sports this year as well and the classes he selected for next year will put a crazy course load on him, but I know he can do it. These boys are tackling anything that comes at them head on and I couldn’t be more proud of them. 

So what grades are your kids going to? Will they be playing any sports? Any AP classes? Did they get any awards this year? Tell me all about them. What are you looking forward to this year coming up? 

Any summer plans? 

Trying to stand tall 

Sometimes all we need is a new perspective. 🖤

Life has been crazy lately. It’s hard not to stay in bed and hope the problems disappear. It’s hard to push depression away. But then there is happiness and you find the moments that make it all worth it. 

A co-worker of my husbands was killed. He was a tow truck driver and on a call on the side of the highway, well a mini van a woman was driving decided to still drive 75 miles an hour and she hit him and he died. I’ll spare the details as I can barely stand to think of them. He was a great man and he will always be remembered. He left a family behind, but everyone is taking care of them. 

My first week back at school went pretty good. I’m shooting to get my GPA back up, I need to apply for a few scholarships and hope I can get a few of them in my favor. So far my classes are going great and I’m really enjoying them. It’s nice to be on a different path. 

Mother’s Day was good. I spent the whole weekend with my kids and I got to spend Sunday with my husband as well. He works a ton so it’s hard to see him. We also went and had a family breakfast which was okay. I was frustrated because the place charged more money because of the holiday and yet couldn’t keep up with food. 

I woke up with an abscess today. This time it’s on the top part of my mouth and putting crazy pressure on my face. My lip, nose and cheeks are swollen and the head pain is crazy. I’m on an antibiotic again as there’s not much else to do. The dentist I started going to is booked up, so I settled at seeing a new one just to get meds that way I wouldn’t have to be hospitalized by morning. I’ll admit though I’m scared shitless. I don’t want to die. I have to much to live for. My kids and my husband are my world. I want to live. I don’t know how to fix my mouth though without the funds to do so. I found another dental contest to enter but like all of the other ones it’s a waiting game and usually my mouth is more than most want to handle. Ive spent all day searching for other contests, dental offices that accept payment plans or someone willing to help, but as usual I come up empty handed. It’s hard not to give up as I know the cost of fixing my mouth is much more than I can even come up with. The things that keep me holding on are my kids, I want to watch them grow up and achieve all of their dreams and growing old with my husband is something I want more than anything. So I’m hoping for a miracle or something that says my health will get better and it will be alright again. 

✌🏻 I’ll be back to write again soon. It felt good to get my thoughts out there. Oh and I need to start writing again, I miss it. I have been reading quite a bit which is great. 

Just tired…

I’ve been doing pretty good lately. Kinda bummed out today though. I entered another dental contest and out of those who entered they’d pick the top 10 and let people vote, of course I didn’t even make it to that point though. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll never win one of these contests. After watching all the videos all of these people who entered had teeth. Some had dentures they just needed repaired or were hoping for implants, while the others were looking to get braces. 

My case is much more severe than needing braces or dentures fixed. Every single one of my remaining teeth need pulled. The pain over the last 3 weeks has been extreme. I’ve went through so many bottles of ibuprofen and I just started adding Tylenol to hopefully get a little relief. My teeth look so much different than they did even a month ago. 

I’m not being selfish but damn it, I want the pain to go away, I want to smile and laugh again, I want to eat food and talk to people. I want to get a job where people won’t stare at me. I just want to be normal. I just want this for me. It would change my life so much and yet I can’t even catch a break. Every single time I enter a contest I always tell myself I won’t let it get to me if I don’t get picked, but every single time I do. Depression and tears swallow me up. I don’t want to die because of my teeth. I just want to live. Hoping for a miracle so I can save my life and be here for my husband and kids. 


How did you know???

How did you figure out what you wanted to do with your life? Did you know since you were a kid? Did you find the love for it in high school, college or beyond? 

As I sit here, I really wonder what I’m supposed to do with my life. I mean here I am at 35 still trying to figure it all out. I’ve been in numerous colleges follow career paths that ultimately led me no where. I’ve spent the last two years in school going for my Bachelors degree in English with a concentration in writing and I stopped. I earned enough credits and then some to walk away with my Liberal arts degree (associates). It’s nothing fancy but at least this time, I got a degree. There were tons and tons of essays and it took my love for writing and made it into something I hated. 

So here I am at a loss for what to do. I work part time doing billing in an office which is great, but there has to be more right?

🌴I like to read, and write although I draw a blank when I try to do anything seriously. There’s a block there and I’m not sure why. 🌴Photography is okay. I own a camera but haven’t really did anything exciting with it. ❌I’m not crafty at all. No sewing, no knitting or crotchet, no t-shirt making or tutus. 

I do want to own a coffee shop & bookstore but that’s not in the cards anytime soon. 

So how did you know what you wanted to do? I want a career that makes me happy, one that I don’t need escaping from. I’m super lost and just looking for a little insight. 

What do you do for a living? And why do you love it? 

Just going to be real… 

So I believe it’s important to be real and to say things like they are. For some reason I had this image set in my mind that I needed to look a certain way, to have this set body type, to manage my nutrition like some damn psycho trying to change their life. It’s okay if you love fitness (it’s great), it’s okay if you have your ideal body goal pasted on the wall, but it’s not okay to go at it with such intensity that you lose yourself along the way. It’s okay to better ourselves and to realize that we better our bodies by what we put in them. Nutrition is important but so is balance. If you want a damn 🍩 or 🍕 or 🍔 go get it, and if you want a 🥗 with some fruit 🍓🥝 then by all means do that. You can go outside and take a walk, jog for a whole minute, get outside and get active with your kids, go on hikes, go explore your city (I’m sure there’s a ton of things you haven’t even seen), but just move and be active. Don’t rely on a scale to tell you that you’re doing okay, that your weight is crazy or that there is a problem. 

We were given these amazing bodies that have the capability of telling us when something is wrong. Listen to it, go see a doctor, find a routine that works for you, change your life up a little, but more than anything do what sets your soul on fire. Chase your dream job, go travel, move spontanisely if you have the chance, just don’t get so busy living that you forget about your life. Make memories, chase the moon, take in your surroundings, recognize your hard work, your many blessings, the small insignificant things we barely notice…choose to notice them. 🍃🌺🌍

My point is simply if you want to work out to feel better, to look better, to build up an endorphins rush, or to get healthier DO IT, but do NOT do it because you want to look like a specific person. It has to be done for you. You have to want it because of the benefits it can provide you with. But guys you are not all the same, were not all cheerios, be a damn fruit loop. You’re still beautiful, talented, and amazing even with struggles. Find out what you want in life, and go make it happen after all life is to damn short to be anything but happy. 

🌴I realized that I liked working out. I loved how I felt after, I love how it takes away the stress and depression, I love that my body was burning calories and kicking out toxins. Fitness is great for me and I even love running. However, I do not like the fact that I was obsessing over specific foods, or busting my balls to try and look like a certain person. I was shooting for a goal to look like them, when I am ME! I already have a body, I’m not fat, but I do have a small baby pooch to lose. I don’t want to lose weight; I just want to tone up. I don’t want to obsess over it. I just want to make good choices and love this life I have. 

Every single one of us have our own unique talents that make us stand out, we have our tribe that bring us joy, we have everything we love with us we just need to recognize that. 

At the start and end of everyday~ look in the mirror and tell yourself you are a badass and you will accomplish anything you want. But be YOU! Find YOU! Do YOU! 

Don’t get stuck in vortex trying to compare yourself or your life with someone else’s, it doesn’t get you anywhere. 

👉🏻You want a 6 pack work for it, but because you want it. You want to lose weight do it because it’s better for your health, not because someone told you. 

👉🏻You want a bad ass job or to move find a way and make it happen. It might not happen today or even in a few months but it will happen. Find your strength, willpower and determination and fight like hell to make your dreams and goals happen. ✨ 

👉🏻Just do you! Never ever forget to live. Chase your dreams not someone’s else’s. 🤘🏻

What are some of your favorite words? 

So by now we know that WORDS have a tendency to captivate people. They either grab ahold of them and tug at all the things that mean something to them, or the words are bland which means no one reads your stories, words, inspirational posts, business things,etc. 

so tell me a few of your favorite words?? Attention grabbers that pull you in and don’t let go? Most people like truth and the reality that we’re actually normal people who have struggles, faults and when we succeed. So authenticity plays a huge role here. Being YOU is what brings people out into your world. 

What words inspire or encourage you?

What gets you going during the day? 

What motivates you? 

WHY do you do what you do every single day? 

Do you ever feel like you lost yourself along the way?

What do you do for ME time? 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now? 

What are your small goals?

Big goals?

Any specific dreams that you want to badly you can taste it? 


Tell me about you… 

In a few short words tell me about you! Anything at all. What makes you happy? Sad? Mad? Light up? Love yourself? Favorite quotes? Favorite books? Do you workout? If so what do you enjoy? What kind of weather do you like? Where do you want to live? Dream job? Anything at all.