Trying to stand tall 

Sometimes all we need is a new perspective. 🖤


Life has been crazy lately. It’s hard not to stay in bed and hope the problems disappear. It’s hard to push depression away. But then there is happiness and you find the moments that make it all worth it. 

A co-worker of my husbands was killed. He was a tow truck driver and on a call on the side of the highway, well a mini van a woman was driving decided to still drive 75 miles an hour and she hit him and he died. I’ll spare the details as I can barely stand to think of them. He was a great man and he will always be remembered. He left a family behind, but everyone is taking care of them. 

My first week back at school went pretty good. I’m shooting to get my GPA back up, I need to apply for a few scholarships and hope I can get a few of them in my favor. So far my classes are going great and I’m really enjoying them. It’s nice to be on a different path. 

Mother’s Day was good. I spent the whole weekend with my kids and I got to spend Sunday with my husband as well. He works a ton so it’s hard to see him. We also went and had a family breakfast which was okay. I was frustrated because the place charged more money because of the holiday and yet couldn’t keep up with food. 

I woke up with an abscess today. This time it’s on the top part of my mouth and putting crazy pressure on my face. My lip, nose and cheeks are swollen and the head pain is crazy. I’m on an antibiotic again as there’s not much else to do. The dentist I started going to is booked up, so I settled at seeing a new one just to get meds that way I wouldn’t have to be hospitalized by morning. I’ll admit though I’m scared shitless. I don’t want to die. I have to much to live for. My kids and my husband are my world. I want to live. I don’t know how to fix my mouth though without the funds to do so. I found another dental contest to enter but like all of the other ones it’s a waiting game and usually my mouth is more than most want to handle. Ive spent all day searching for other contests, dental offices that accept payment plans or someone willing to help, but as usual I come up empty handed. It’s hard not to give up as I know the cost of fixing my mouth is much more than I can even come up with. The things that keep me holding on are my kids, I want to watch them grow up and achieve all of their dreams and growing old with my husband is something I want more than anything. So I’m hoping for a miracle or something that says my health will get better and it will be alright again. 

✌🏻 I’ll be back to write again soon. It felt good to get my thoughts out there. Oh and I need to start writing again, I miss it. I have been reading quite a bit which is great. 

Just tired…

I’ve been doing pretty good lately. Kinda bummed out today though. I entered another dental contest and out of those who entered they’d pick the top 10 and let people vote, of course I didn’t even make it to that point though. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll never win one of these contests. After watching all the videos all of these people who entered had teeth. Some had dentures they just needed repaired or were hoping for implants, while the others were looking to get braces. 

My case is much more severe than needing braces or dentures fixed. Every single one of my remaining teeth need pulled. The pain over the last 3 weeks has been extreme. I’ve went through so many bottles of ibuprofen and I just started adding Tylenol to hopefully get a little relief. My teeth look so much different than they did even a month ago. 

I’m not being selfish but damn it, I want the pain to go away, I want to smile and laugh again, I want to eat food and talk to people. I want to get a job where people won’t stare at me. I just want to be normal. I just want this for me. It would change my life so much and yet I can’t even catch a break. Every single time I enter a contest I always tell myself I won’t let it get to me if I don’t get picked, but every single time I do. Depression and tears swallow me up. I don’t want to die because of my teeth. I just want to live. Hoping for a miracle so I can save my life and be here for my husband and kids. 

~SOMEDAY~