Trying to stand tall 

Sometimes all we need is a new perspective. 🖤


Life has been crazy lately. It’s hard not to stay in bed and hope the problems disappear. It’s hard to push depression away. But then there is happiness and you find the moments that make it all worth it. 

A co-worker of my husbands was killed. He was a tow truck driver and on a call on the side of the highway, well a mini van a woman was driving decided to still drive 75 miles an hour and she hit him and he died. I’ll spare the details as I can barely stand to think of them. He was a great man and he will always be remembered. He left a family behind, but everyone is taking care of them. 

My first week back at school went pretty good. I’m shooting to get my GPA back up, I need to apply for a few scholarships and hope I can get a few of them in my favor. So far my classes are going great and I’m really enjoying them. It’s nice to be on a different path. 

Mother’s Day was good. I spent the whole weekend with my kids and I got to spend Sunday with my husband as well. He works a ton so it’s hard to see him. We also went and had a family breakfast which was okay. I was frustrated because the place charged more money because of the holiday and yet couldn’t keep up with food. 

I woke up with an abscess today. This time it’s on the top part of my mouth and putting crazy pressure on my face. My lip, nose and cheeks are swollen and the head pain is crazy. I’m on an antibiotic again as there’s not much else to do. The dentist I started going to is booked up, so I settled at seeing a new one just to get meds that way I wouldn’t have to be hospitalized by morning. I’ll admit though I’m scared shitless. I don’t want to die. I have to much to live for. My kids and my husband are my world. I want to live. I don’t know how to fix my mouth though without the funds to do so. I found another dental contest to enter but like all of the other ones it’s a waiting game and usually my mouth is more than most want to handle. Ive spent all day searching for other contests, dental offices that accept payment plans or someone willing to help, but as usual I come up empty handed. It’s hard not to give up as I know the cost of fixing my mouth is much more than I can even come up with. The things that keep me holding on are my kids, I want to watch them grow up and achieve all of their dreams and growing old with my husband is something I want more than anything. So I’m hoping for a miracle or something that says my health will get better and it will be alright again. 

✌🏻 I’ll be back to write again soon. It felt good to get my thoughts out there. Oh and I need to start writing again, I miss it. I have been reading quite a bit which is great. 

Tell me about you… 

In a few short words tell me about you! Anything at all. What makes you happy? Sad? Mad? Light up? Love yourself? Favorite quotes? Favorite books? Do you workout? If so what do you enjoy? What kind of weather do you like? Where do you want to live? Dream job? Anything at all. 

Thoughts.. talk to me

Starting out 2017 with a goal I’ve had for a few years now.

Hello everyone~

It’s 2017. A year for fresh starts, new beginnings and those so called resolutions we strive for every year. I’m sure most of us make it the first month and we fall off track shortly after that. It doesn’t mean you or me are failures, it means we need to dig a little deeper and find our inner strength to pull us through. But do we really need resolutions? I mean we should strive for better all year. Exercise more, quit smoking, find a better job, get rid of the toxic people and attitudes that weight us down, lose weight, plan more,etc. The list goes on and on. I do have “resolutions” so to speak, but I would rather call them game changers. I spent last year extremely depressed. I let things from my childhood, my past and my present swallow me whole. I was consumed by darkness and I barely saw any light to keep me from drowning. My life at home is great. I have four amazing kids, and a husband who works his ass off to make sure every one of us is taken care of. The bills are on his plate as well. He worked a full-time job as a mechanic Monday thru Friday and everyday including the weekend he would pull in side work to bring in more money. He would also find time to attend the kids sporting events as well. We chose to change jobs for him before the 2016 year was up and boy its still scary as hell. He left a job that became stagnant with the same pay and same crap with an added title, to a new job and he smiles so much more. So back to me. I tend to hold on to things way to much. This year my goal is to change that. I started using a planner which has been great so far. I write all of my to-dos, want to dos and what has to be done. Motivational quotes, pictures, and any goals I have for the year.  I re-did my dream board which had been the same for a few years. Some things I left alone, because I still want or need to do them. I think the dream board brings what you want to life. It gives you a vision you can always see which gives you that motivation to work that much harder. My mind tends to run a thousand miles an hour and still tries to go when I lay down for bed. It’s usually the bad thoughts that get me off track. I’ve been doing okay so far though and my mind and body seem to be in a great place. I’ve always struggled with letting go. I hold on to everything. It could have happened 15 years ago and I will still talk about it. I don’t need or want that kind of behavior surrounding my life. How do you handle depression? Any advice to give me? How did you learn to let go? Also if there’s something you really want, but can’t have it because the cost is to extreme how do you not let that eat you up as well? I’m NOT talking about a new house, a new car, needing a new wardrobe, or shoes, or a fancy vacation (although that would be great.) I’ll take a trip to the beach please! I should add my nanny passed away in March and it gets to me all the time. I didn’t get to drive to see her before she passed. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and it took her quickly. I MISS her so much.

My teeth are my downfall. Yeah, I know that’s nasty. I’ve had problems since I was 19 (after my first kid) and now many years later my teeth have deteriorated. I don’t look in the mirror and like what I see. I’m rather disgusted with myself. I cry a ton and slip into a depression when I think about it or if I’m randomly eating a soft food I can handle and one of my teeth will break. I avoid talking to people. I’ve mastered speaking with my head down, covering my mouth or I might not respond at all. People say they never notice, but come on I know YOU notice. The smile is one of the first things we see. I am jealous over so many peoples smiles, straight teeth, the laughter they share, and the photos they’re able to take. I rarely photos and if I do you won’t see my teeth. I’ve been entering dental contests for over four years now and still no luck. One that just ended was the closest I had been. I was a candidate in the top 10, but the others nor myself got picked because we didn’t have the “marketing” experience to back their brand. I guess that’s understandable, but when you give someone like me something I’ve wanted for so long…I can guarantee your brand will be bragged on to every person I know. It didn’t happen though. 2017 is a new year with new possibilities so I’m hoping that this will be my year even if it takes me till the end of it to save up. And if you’re wondering, no none of my teeth can be saved. Several are missing, broken, or have been pulled. I’ve wrote to people like “The Doctors” and “Ellen” in hopes of someone helping me. It’s on me though. I will have my smile one day and I’ll be sure to post it here first. ***If you want to know Dr. Golpa offers an all on four implant. I want this so bad. They have a special right now, which I guess really isn’t a special when you barely make the price tag a year. In a few months the cost rises which stinks. Maybe I’ll win the lottery or find another solution that will look just a good. If you read this far…Yay!

So tell me what do you plan on doing differently this year? What or who is your motivation? What plan do you have in place to make it happen? If there is one thing you could have in life what would it be? Mine is a new smile. So tell me about you if you want. Lend me advice or just vent. I’m open to anything… -Danna